I have seen people endure pain and trauma that seem to rise above with beauty and grace. Others, however, stay stuck. Why? What’s the difference?
Here are the temptations I’ve faced when overcoming my own broken heart, and ones I’ve seen others struggle with… sometimes indefinitely.
↳ Seeking Attention
The attention I got from the pain felt like connection and healing. Ultimately, though, I knew this would keep me stuck. I did not want to be “the woman whose husband cheated…” for the rest of my life, no matter how much attention or empathy I got from it. I had to choose: attention that keeps me stuck, or real healing and freedom?
The alternative is to seek out wise counselors who can listen and help you process the pain, while also helping you to take steps toward real connection with yourself and others, and move towards healing.
↳ Seeking Validation
There are times when I have wanted to throw people under the bus for all of the ways they wounded me. And, unfortunately, I’ve done this at times. I thought I would heal if I could just explain one more time how I was wronged. Prove it wasn’t my fault that I was a mess. Defend myself somehow. And if the blame is someone else’s to carry, maybe the pain will be, too. But this continues the cycles of pain. Healing is not found in more explaining or defending. Your pain is valid, even if no one else understands it.
Instead of seeking validation, spend time meditating on God’s love for you and who He says you already are. You may have been wounded, but that does not mean you are damaged goods. Stop seeking validation from your wounds. Seek real healing that calls you into your true and beautiful identity.
↳ Seeking Protection
If I run through every image, and scenario again and again…. then I will finally understand how or why it happened, I will be able to resolve the pain. More importantly, I’ll be able to protect myself from being hurt in this way again. This is a lie meant to keep you spiraling in past pain.
When I am struggling to understand a memory or painful event, I find a quiet place with God and let him take me back to those memories. He guides me through forgiving, healing, and processing the pain.
One of the best tools I found for working through the overwhelming and consuming flashbacks of pain was The Supernatural Freedom from the Captivity of Trauma by Mike Hutchings. The line I used the most (and I’m paraphrasing since the book is not open in front of me), This [pain, memory, trauma] can no longer cause me torment, in Jesus’ name. Memories will stay, but they will no longer bring pain and torment.
Keep Growing, Keep Healing,
🫶🏻 Annie
